Stop the Ride-I Want to Get Off!!!

The day before school started I had a meeting at school with OLA's teacher and other pertinent school personal. One of the things that was discussed was my "scribing for him - so that homework battles could be avoided. It was a relief because homework overall has been less stressful for everybody involved. However, this last week I received an email from OLA's teacher asking me to stop scribing for him with his practice math facts sheets. His teacher feels that it is interfering with his ability to pass the tests in two minutes. I was so angry I didn't even answer the email.  But, the next time a fact sheet came home I told OLA that he was on his own as per his teacher's request. I handed him the sheet of facts and a pencil. That sheet and the two I had scribed for where promptly crumpled and tossed across the room, followed by OLA running to his bedroom and saying he was not going to school. (Lovely!!!) I calmly picked up the papers and returned them to his folder some what wrinkled (LOL). I told him to get his bag and go out to the car. Amazingly he complied. This processes has been repeated now several times. He has about five unfinished fact sheets in his folder that returns home each day from school with a new set added.  I am so frustrated I could scream. I will not return to the battles that where so disruptive to our entire family last school year. But OLA keeps getting further behind. And to top it off - because we aren't doing those sheets he isn't practicing at all. Before he would have to give me the answer before I would scribe so he was practicing orally his math facts. I would suggest that the teacher give him the test orally - but I don't think he can even do it orally in two minutes. He just doesn't compute in his head that fast and the more stressful the situation the worse it gets (i.e. a time limit).  Having a child with special needs changes how you think about a lot of things and their importance. I was a teacher by trade (pre-children) and there was a time that I put great importance on math fact tests. But those feelings have changed (I understand the reasoning behind memorising certain math facts and  being able to access them quickly). I feel that for OLA it is more important that he knows them (i.e. memorised) than whether or not he can do 25 addition facts in two minutes or less. And in fact I celebrate his accomplishment in being able to do them - I am not worried about the fact that it takes him a minute or two longer to get it done.  So for now we sit with this stalemate and a whole lot of frustration. I feel like I am punishing OLA for something he has no control over - but somehow those at school must understand that there are needs here that are different from most children. For now I have taken to weeping into my pillow again at night and sending undone fact sheets back to school. I wish I could just stop this crazy roller coaster and get off the ride. I'm tired of having to fight for every little thing. I really wish people would make an effort to understand. But I guess if you haven't ridden the roller coaster there is know way to understand and most people don't want to get on!!!!