Church today was wonderful! OLA did so well!!! I was living in a fantasy world where this could last beyond the moment. This is never good - because when the crash comes it is worse than when I wait with baited breath for the next wave to hit. And hit it did - about an hour after coming home. OLA went into melt down.
It seems that I expend so much effort these days in trying to protect OLA, BBA, and their dad that there isn't enough left over to protect my own heart. And it is torn in pieces over and over again. But the melt down today also meant a moment of disagreement between their dad and I. It is these times that seem to hurt the most - when we stand on opposite sides of the war we are waging. It is tough to maintain the peace when you don't have anything to shield you heart with.
Then my V.T.'s arrived and I plastered a smile on my face - I was actually very glad to see them - but there was know way to really tell them how my birthday was going. Not with my heart in pieces and no time to mend it.
Happy Birthday to Me!
Maybe one day the waves will lesson but for now I fight to just keep from drowning.
And thankfully - things are a little better since school has ended. Nine weeks or respite until we once again wade into the waves that school will surely bring.
Praying for a miracle - maybe someday!
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