Some Days

Some days just suck! It all seems overwhelming and there is no relief from the waves that come ever faster. These days OLA seems to be cycling in his behaviors more often. All though they are often not as intense they are more frequent. It worries me for when school starts. I don't know if I can handle the home and school work battle. And I don't know if I can handle all the extra stress that it will bring. I'm so stressed now that my stomach is constantly in chaos, my shoulders are always as tight as a drum and I often have a headache that doesn't quit. I can just imagine what the added stress will do to my body. It was worse today because I had no time to exercise. Life is chaotic and some days it just sucks. Will it ever end? It feels like I have fallen into this abyss that has swallowed me up and from which there is no escape.  It is like living in an almost constant nightmare. Much of what I use to enjoy doing is no fun anymore - mainly because it is always coupled with one type of worry or another.  Sometimes it really hurts to be a mother and it goes way beyond any kind of physical pain. It is a deep soul consuming pain, worry and grief. Maybe if I swim harder one day I'll beat out the waves.